Updated: Jun 21, 2021
My husband and I have been together 20 years but I'm realizing he's not a very aware person and has no interest in getting more spiritually connected. I've grown spiritually and he hasn't. Is he ever going to catch up to me? Should I just get a divorce? I don't think I can live a spiritual life with someone who doesn't even get it.
While your experience is common, the truth is that you don’t know if he’s grown or not. Only he and his guides do. After all, at the spiritual level, maybe part of his path is to be who he is in relationship with you so that you begin to ask these questions. In which case, he is being exactly who he needs to be at this time on his path.
At the human level, your views may be diverging in this particular area, but that doesn’t make his less spiritually valid than yours – that’s a human judgment, not a divine one. His is just a different path than yours.
The “right” answer is not about waiting for him or not, nor about divorcing or not. In fact, it’s not about him at all.
At a spiritual level, you're being asked: How willing are you to trust yourself? How willing are you to disappoint another to remain true to yourself? How willing are you to listen to your inner guidance when others may be upset by it, or challenge you on it?
The Universe that watches over us doesn’t care if we remain married or we divorce. That’s a human construct. It only really cares whether or not we choose to align with our highest and best, and follow the wisdom we feel, know, and hear from within.
That is the purpose of life: to learn to listen, and build up the courage to act in bigger and greater ways, one step at a time.
The Universe helps us learn by honoring and respecting our free will, and continuously provides opportunities to choose. It will never judge, condemn, nor be disappointed by any choice we make. It is all only learning and growing.
To our Guides, every choice we make is perceived like a parent who is watching a child learn to walk. It’s normal and natural to fall. There’s no judgment. But there is joy when a solid step is taken and ongoing encouragement no matter what. Because in the end, we are designed to succeed, and they know we will.
That does not mean we need to stay in any particular situation until we “get the lesson.” If a situation isn’t healthy, right or good, we are free to make a new choice. If there is more learning to do, there will always be another situation in which we have the opportunity to learn it.
Spiritual growth and awakening does change us, and changes our view of the world around us. But whether it’s spiritual growth, a new hobby, a new job, having children, empty-nesting, a car accident or anything else that adjusts our lives, it will change us and change our view of the world around us.
In that changing and growing as human beings, relationships can grow apart. Couples can choose to build bridges through that growth, choose to tolerate how things become, or choose to let each other go to make room for new experiences and relationships.
The greatest lesson humanity is learning now, is that our lives are never about another - even when they appear to be. They are about who we choose to be and become, and whether or not we have the courage to live fully aligned with our highest and best, our inner truth and wisdom. But don’t misunderstand: this is not a selfish life. Exactly the opposite.
Mother Theresa lived, not first in service to others, but first in service to being aligned with who she deeply felt she was called to be. Most of us know her as a saint who served the poor in Calcutta, but in her early years as a nun, the church did not allow her to do the work she felt called to do. She had to keep returning to her faith and trust in her inner wisdom in order to stay on her path and keep asking. It took years.
When she was finally given permission, there were even more hardships and lessons she had to learn. One such lesson almost killed her. When she went to feed the poor, she would take her lunch. She so wanted to serve them that she would give her lunch away, rather than eat it herself. By doing so, she became sick and spent days fighting for her life as a fellow nun nursed her back to health. That nun told her that if she did not eat her own lunch first, she would not live long enough to be of service to others.
Honoring herself and her own needs had to come first, regardless of others needs, perceptions, or expectations. By remaining in alignment, throughout her life she faced great odds and overcame them. Her alignment lead her into service, but not before it defied the standards of the times in which she lived.
Over the years she came to understood one thing very clearly: life is not between ourselves and others. In the end, it is only between us and God, Source, The Universe, our Wise One Within, Allah, or whatever name you want to put to the Life Energy that moves in, through and as all things.*
Focus not on this relationship, nor the marriage, nor your husband. Focus instead on being in alignment with your highest and best, and honoring what you feel called to do.
Learn to trust yourself, and your own Wise One Within because in this life, there is only one question each of us will ever have to answer: When there are no tomorrow’s left, will you be grateful you listened, or will you close your eyes that last time wondering, “What if I had?”
You already know the right answer for yourself in this situation. Have the courage to admit it and move forward.
And remember: You are held, supported and loved no matter what.
* Mother Theresa’s well-known poem, Do It Anyway, is actually a re-written version of one by Kent Keith. Click here to see both versions.
Lori Anne Rising is the international award-winning author of “You. Rising! Reclaim Your Life. Live Your Purpose,” an intuitive channel, and host of “You Rising!” the podcast for women seeking to answer their inner call. Her work challenges old paradigms, and reconnects women with their Wise One Within to empower, inspire and reawaken their life’s purpose and passion.
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